Letter of Acceptance

I mailed the $500 down payment and accepted the offer to attend graduate school at Weill Cornell Medical College!

The white coat ceremony for the WCMC Surgical Physician Assistant Program starts March 25, 2009.

A year and a half ago, I knew very little about the physician assistant career.  All I knew was that they are licensed to practice medicine under the supervision of a doctor.  And the great part about it is that malpractice is minimal, since the MD has to sign off everything that the PA does.  Their breadth of practice?  Essentially, limitless.  Currently, it is one of the fastest growing professions in the U.S. 

Since the WCMC program has a surgical focus, I actually get to dissect cadavers (as opposed to prosecting)!  In fact, this is one of our labs for the first 8 weeks of the program.  We also learn how to suture, cast, and perform minor procedures, which is pretty awesome.  Rotations will be at Cornell, Hospital for Special Surgery, MSKCC, and many other great facilities.  Doesn't Compensation post graduation is not so shabby, but that's NOT what I'm hoping for in the long run. 

What is my goal?

Well, I'm still trying to get to know myself a little bit more.  Depending on my rotations next year, I may want to get into OB/GYN, pediatric plastic surgery, or cardiothoracic surgery - medical oncology, of course.  OR I could test out all three and keep moving around.  I would love, love, love to remain in MSKCC, so I am hoping that there will be an opening for a PA by the time I graduate.  I honestly love working here & I have developed such a strong foundation with my co-workers, managers, NP's, doctors, etc.  If I stay in NYC, I could see myself retiring here. 

Life Coming Together

Growing up is looking in the mirror and meeting yourself for the first time.

----- IN RETROSPECT

At home, I was scolded for misbehaving and throwing persistent tantrums, which continued until my junior year of high school.  Was it really that necessary to rebel so much?  What was my purpose?  Was I seeking attention? 

Unknowingly, I think I was.  Being a female and having strict, Asian parents certainly didn't help out my situation.  Making friends with non-Asians and growing up in Wayne, NJ also made matters much worse.  American culture is far more liberal than Asian culture (duh!)... bla bla bla you get the point.

Anyway, I rarely received praises from my parents.  The honor roll, being a great artist, winning stupid little academic contests -- I never really thought they were impressed by it, nor was anybody else in my extended family for that matter.  As far as they were all concerned, I was just a little brat, a talkative nuisance who found it necessary to interject a snapple cap comment that starts with "Correction...it's not this but that..."  I guess that could get annoying, expecially when every discussion turned into a debate when I was in the room.  Back then, I had a really difficult time realizing that everybody else around me had unique, coherent perspectives.  And at that time, I simply didn't feel any need to listen to their misleading arguments and faulty logic.  The only thing churning in my mind was: I am right.  I am right.  I am right.  I am right.  That was just plain stupid and probably annoying to most people.  I shouldnn't have done that.  I should have just thrown them a book and had them read verbatim what I had just explained.  haha!!  Actually, they were probably annoyed, moreso, because I talked so much and my imagination ran amok. 

But who is to blame for a child who develops the dire need to discuss her ideas in a rather eccentric manner?  A child who finds it necessary to create stories from a set of experiences jumbled up in her lunatic brain? 

Growing up, I felt as though I was chastised for being naturally like this -- for having some twisted ideas that came out of my mouth so naturally that I almost believed it myself.  God, it aggravates me that kids who had ADD like I had when I was a child are now considered ill.  Here, give her some Ritalin or Aderall.  That ought to fix it.  Oh, she's just seeking attention.  I mean, I'm no longer super hyper high on chococandysourpatchkitkatbazooka hot cocoa and caffeinated beanjunk that my grandma used to put high up on the TV stand and I would so furtively snatch.  BUT I could still talk... FOR HOURS.  AND my comments are still pretty insensitive and biting.  For this reason some would still consider me to be ill for this habit that I have yet to lose.  I have two words for them.  Fu** YOU.  That's for slowing down my brain that used to run on 2 gigs of RAM.  Ya'll have turned me into an old floppy, Oregon Trail etched on the cover.  IM A GO KEeL MeH sUM buff-LO.

Got me thinking so hard through all that criticism that it knd of slowed me down.  This has made me so insecure... I feel a part of myself withering.

TBContinued

why change?

Both Ari and I know that we are different from most people.  The way we hold our conversations, the way we discuss and/or debate certain theories, the way we share 'snapple cap' information with each other, etc.  Yes, we tend to speak our minds (and perhaps, overspeak it sometimes), but if we stopped doing so, we would lose a part of our personality, a personality that brought us to where we are in the first place.

My question is: is it really worth killing off a part of your personality to gain the acceptance of those who may be irritated by your innate being? 

For months now, I have been brooding over this, long and hard.  One part of me agreeing with Ari, who would make the argument:

"Why do I have to change for others?  This is me.  If they don't like who I am, how I speak, how I carry myself, how I argue, how I relay the substantive information that I believe to be true, etc. then that's their problem.  This is who I am.  WHY CAN'T THEY JUST ACCEPT ME FOR ME?"

You know, I see myself in him.  We both run our mouths and try to validate our arguments based on every given information, the simple, the complex, the extraneous.  Sure, this may be quite irritating to most people who HATE listening to arguments/philosophies/theories, and would rather be left in the dark.  I guess, we think differently... That's all I'm really saying. 

And oftentimes, others translate it as being quite aggressive or even worse, being a know-it-all.  In all honesty, though, the majority of mankind has issues with know-it-alls, whether they are telling the truth or not.  After all, it feels quite aweful to be wrong and even worse, to be told that you are wrong by someone who sounds kind of right.  Or maybe, it's just the mere fact that some people have so much more ideas than others, so much more drive than others, so much more ambition than others... that it could feel kind of, well, intimidating.

What they don't realize is that... EVERYONE gets things wrong ALL THE TIME.  I make so many mistakes each and everyday and I have no qualms admitting it.  Ari gets things wrong all the time, too... we argue with each other about the U.S. healthcare system ALL THE TIME, and chances are that we are both arguing the wrong things because we aren't experts in it.  We are merely sharing the information we know with one another in a heated. and somewhat intelligent manner.  It's what keeps our brain working, it's what allows us to formulate new ideas, it's what leads us to excel in situations that others would not. 

That's why I don't like the idea of changing myself to satisfy society.  Different types of personalities were put on this planet, so that they may learn from each other's differences, so that they may tolerate each other's differences, so that they may criticize each other's differences... 

BUT IN NO WAY SHOULD A PERSON EVER TELL ANOTHER TO CHANGE HIS/HER PERSONALITY OR CHARACHTER OR EVEN GO AS FAR HINTING IT.  SO LONG AS IT DOES NOT CAUSE ANY PHYSICAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL HARM TO ANOTHER, A MAN'S ODD WAY (THOUGH ATYPICAL TO A MAJORITY) IS QUITE PERFECT TO A FEW.

If you are wondering if you should change your ways or not... please ask yourself:  Am I really hurting anyone by being me?  If the answer is no, then I don't see the need for you to change.

God loves you for who you are, and you should never have to question who you are based on anothers' judgement.